Sorry bloggger

Rofl, I barely go on here anymore ><
Moved on to Tumblr! haha :x


http://aye0elainee.tumblr.com/

Im back? Lol

Wowww. I havent been on this thing in forever >< Mad busy with school and college stuff. ]: Im starting to hate college even though im not in it yet. All the stuff you have to do JUST to apply is difficult. I hate it. I dont even wanna graduate yet >< rofl. I dont wanna mess up though, but i think i already did >< grr. I give up :I I think im better off going to a two year and transferring after cause I doubt im gonna get into Hunter. Shouldve not messed up my sophomore and junior year ><; but whats done is done.

Weeeeeee! Thanksgiving is tomorrow! :D gonna feassst hahaa. that means Christmas is almost here too! ;D Idk what to get people for xmas, and when i ask them, all they say is nothing -_- grr. i needa make my christmas list! [:


I dont get certain people sometimes. They're confusing. ):

Falling Apart.

This whole week was just so asdfghjkl; Its all schools fault. I think, lol. Ughhhh im scared that i wont be able to get into a decent college. Thats like my major fear right now. Its sooo stressful and frustrating. I should've like done better sophomore and junior year :| Like i really wanna get into a good college, or atleast a decent college. I would go to a two year and transfer but i dont know what my parents would think. I think my mom would be fine, but my dad will probably go crazy. Im like falling apart because of this. I even talked to my aunt about this. She is the one who really understands me i think, and she would know how to help me out. So i told her about this, and she says that I shouldnt really worry about what college i get in cause i can transfer out after a year or two. I also need to think about my majors. I only had one in my mind before I talked to her, but after, she gave me some tips to think of more majors and backups. Rofl, we had like this college talk for the longest time. We got home at like 10ish and we stopped talking at like 12 o.o Longest talk I probably ever had. If we didnt have this talk, I'd probably be stressing moreee than right now. >< And stress isnt good. I need to get back on track.

Ohmygoodness.

ASKDFJHADKFG. I never knew senior year could be this hard. So, today we had the senior assembly thing and they were basically talking about EVERYTHING a senior has to do to graduate and apply to college and blahblahblahs. Its mad money too! Senior dues, Senior cruise, Senior prom, Senior trip...all add up to maybe more than $700?..AND you gotta apply for colleges and you have to pay to apply too ]: Applying to college is a pain in the buttocks. So many deadlines. The beginning of senior year is hard ): I have no clue what topic to write for my college essay. -_-

I think I failed my first spanish test. Rofl but i know i passed my math test xD
Its getting cold nowadays. Hoodieeee season! <3 :D But i think im sick..idk if its allergies or im sick, but my nose is running non stop ]: I should start my hw...so tired ]: Senioritis is starting to hit me. ><
I miss miss misssss summer 09' ]:

La escuela.

Blah blah blah. So Senior year started ]: It doesn't feel like it though..i still feel like a junior lollll. I AM going to work my butt off, or try to. I think I have to.. even though i don't really think it counts for college ><; Odee stressful when it comes to college stuff. I realized how much stuff I have to do before applying to colleges. Another thing is family. Sometimes its annoying even though they're trying to 'help' out. I think this year started out pretty okay for me.. I go to allll my classes :D and i try to pay attention as much as i can. I do all my homework too! :D Haha yeah. i never used to do my homework last year..always did it in school and rushed on it. I just wished it didn't have to be this annoying to apply for colleges >< Other than the college stuff, I think this will be a good year. Hopefully..

I have a feeling that i might not pass Spanish though. I don't get a word that comes outta that woman's mouth. I need to try to understand her though cause I need to pass that language regents! ;o Im dying in my English class, i have the most boringgggg teacher everr. Ughhhh. Hes like one of those dumb teachers but hes a hard grader type. Oh my goodness. I think I had a bad start in that class. You should hear my failed stories man. Rofl. Another class that i find kind of boring is my government class. My teacher is very weird..like she jumps around when she talks..LOL. Yeah and most of the students in my class were her students from last year so she just talks to her 'old' students.. My other classes are okay though. I think I might survive [:

We got some ugly planners this year D: LOL.

So I'll stand, with arms high and heart abandoned

Summer Conference 09' just changed me. On Friday, Sept. 4th, a few of my friends and I met up at church to wait for the bus to go to this retreat, with alot of others from OCM. I thought this conference would be like every other summer conference that i had went to. But no, it wasnt like it at ALL. The first day was pretty cool i guess. Rode in the bus for about 3 hrs? I thought i was gonna fall asleep but I couldn't, I was too excited haha and so were my other friends (: As we arrived to Bryn Marw, we unpacked and everything, had lunch, and went to our cabins. The cabin was pretty big compared to the others..our cabin was like 4 cabins connected. So we decided where to sleep and whatnot. After that, I played some volleyball with some people until dinner started. I forgot what we had for dinner LOL. Anyways, after dinner we had a opening ceremony, which was where they introduced the speakers and stuffff like that (: We had a guest speaker for youth and he talked whenever we had message. We had message right after opening ceremony. The guest speaker tend to use alot of vocabulary words, half the time I was so confused..but he had a powerpoint so it was okay. It was somewhat boring at first, but as you listen, you would get what he is trying to say. Although, some people were falling asleep, I don't think it was because he was boring..his messages was pretty intresting. It was probably because of the time or something. After message, we had fellowship. It was pretty fun (: We had to think of our group name and chant. Haha, our group leaders were Kelly and Patricia. They were pretty cool (: Our group names were 1,2 SLURP, WoW. haha. Everything ended at about 11:30- 12. We had snacks and stuff after, then went to cabin to go nighty nights. Most people went to sleep around 1ish? Alot couldnt sleep though >< i think i slept but woke up here and there, and i forgot that i had my ipod on >< My friends and I woke up at 6 to go jogging. It was pretty chilly up there. It was like a major weather change, haha. I loved that kind of weather though, hoodie season! <3 Sunrise was so beautiful, and its amazing how God puts all of these together.

Saturday and Sunday just changed my life. It was like I landed on the other side of the world that i had never imagined. I felt that God has spoken to me and He did. So on Saturday the day started out like the schedule we had..wake up,devotion,breakfast,bible study,worship/msg, lunch, workshop, freetime, dinner, worship/message, fellowship, and last but not least Concert of Prayer. Concert of prayer was just amazing. I remember, before I went to summer conference, a brother in Christ of mine told me to go. Every year during summer conference, i refused to go to prayer vigil..but this year i just went. That time, i had alot on my mind. I felt that God was calling for me to go. I'm glad that my brother told me to go. If he didnt, this conference would have probably been the same as the others. First we just sang praise songs and it was very peaceful. After singing, we sat in a group and we just talked out the problems we had in life. It was so touching and sad. There were tears rolling down my face because of what someone said. I realize that there are other people who need Christ more than I did. After we talked about our problems, we just prayed. I learned that praying to God is a great way to talk to him. I dont quite know how to explain it but yeah. God is always there for you no matter what. He was the one who planned out your life from beginning to end. He knows you from the inside out. This was the night where i felt God talking to me. I felt him close to me. It was like I was in an empty room with white walls and God was the only one there with me. And i was just talking to him like how i would talk in a normal conversation. It was just amazing, indescribable, uncontainable. I learned that there are alot of people who would just pray for you. It was really nice just to know that you have brothers and sisters just praying for you and i would also do the same. After hearing these stories, whether bad or good, i would just pray. I think im praying more then ever now. Its good though. Haha. Oh and there was this one story about our group, about this one person, it doesnt matter what it was, but we prayed about it..God answered our prayers and He helped this one person, and I saw it the next day. It was amazing and i was just shocked and surprised. Wow. Its amazing how He works in our lives. We sang praise songs at the end and I sang my heart out. I sang with arms high and heart abandoned. Its amazing. I dropped everything and had my mind focused on God, because i know that He will never let go, through the calm or through the storm, every high and every low. We ended at about 3am. Me and my friends just laid down on the basketball court and looked up at the sky. It was beautiful. I have never seen so many stars at one time in my life. Its just like wowww. We had to go back to our cabins though cause we weren't supposed to be out so late >< Even though we slept so late, woke up so early, no one regretted it, it was all worth it.

On Sunday, it was also a normal day, we had Sunday service and what not. At the end of the day, was testimony night. Testimony night is where you share how God came into your life. Alot of people went and I was gonna go, but i guess i was too late. Its okay though. There were lots tears and i could relate to some of these stories. It was emotional and i was just glad how God came and changed their lives. It was all for the better. God had also changed my life and I know it was for the better. Through what i have heard about these brothers and sisters, I pray that they keep walking with God and no matter what, they know that He is always with them.

Monday morning came, and it was just a very dull day, kinda..for me atleast. I dont know. I had this feeling inside of me that made me think alot. I dont even know what it was. Maybe because we had to go home? idk but yeah. i was ju st down that day. The atmosphere was just so different when i went home. During the bus ride home, i just listened to the praise songs that i had on my iPod and just thought if how wonderful He really is. It brought tears to my eyes. I fell asleep halfway through the bus ride, i think it was cause there was traffic haha. I just wished conference was a bit longer.

I hope that everyone would feel the same after conference. Some might act differently when they are in conference then when they are at conference. That was probably me a few years ago..I would just go to church, put on a different face and walk out of church with another face. But no, Im renewed and i dont want to walk away from God anymore cause i know that He is almighty. He is the King of kings, Lord of Lords, Prince of peace. My everything. Hes the one who can move the mountains. Hes mighty to save. And He is my best friend. He came into my life and never walked out.

I forgot that this weekend was labor day o.o
oopsies >< :x

God is with you no matter what. Talk to Him,
Any time, anyday, you are just a prayer away.
GOD IS GOOD, ALL THE TIME!
ALL THE TIME, GOD IS GOOD!
Amen <3

"Unearthing the truth: Developing disciples of the word"
But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth.John 13:16a

082409<3

Today, was a veryyyy very fun day! Most people came, except Samantha ]: Even Wilson came haha but he left early. Oh man, we went for korean bbq, totos, & red mango. Everything we planned was successful (: Haha, couldnt have done it without the volunteers& the other teachers. Courtney& Carmen put together a photo album for the teachers. It was the cutest thing everrr<3 Pictures of almost all the students and stuff :D & on the back it had a quote "Some of us walked in as strangers, but in the end, we all walked out as a family." So true (:

406 IS the best class ever (: <3

Happy Birthday Phoebe!

Tomorrow is my little cousins birthday and we had a bbq party for her today. Shes turning 3! :D Oh man kids grow up soooo fast..i almost forgot it was her birthday :x My aunt called me yesterday telling me that she has a bbq and told me to go..in my head i was like huh whats the occasion, then shes like its for Phoebe's birthday. Oh man i cant believe i almost forgot. I didnt even get her a present, but my aunt said to me if i gave her one, she wouldnt accept it o.o
So ill just sneak her a present one day when i visit them again :D hahaa. And my other aunt was like,"we just want you to come, without a present cause we havent seen you in a long time." That made me feel so welcomed. Idk.

Phoebe has an older sister whose turning 6 in October, which makes her a 1st grader. When i went and visited them today, they reminded me of my students ]: They are sooo adorable! And there cousin just turned four not too long ago. Haha I wish i could spend more time with them. I forgot what else i was gonna say... so peaceeeee for now <3

Last day of sdc.

): Yesterday was the last day of sdc. I remember when some of us were counting down to this last day, but as it comes, alot of tears come along. Not only is it the last day, but its also the last year..atleast until renovation is over. Its the last year for Ms. Anna though ): I dont think it will be the same without her. I wish people was more like her. I've known her for sooo long, since i was in 2nd grade i think. She saw me grow up in church and its amazing how she remembers me cause I went to church on and off. She saw me as a teacher this year and she tells me how much i've grown up and opened up. I dont think i will forget this summer.

The whole sanctuary was crying yesterday. I dont think i have ever "sweated" my eyes out this much. As each child started leaving, more tears were coming. I dont even know how to explain this feeling. I hope when sdc re-opens, these kids come back. I will miss these kids, even though some were troublesome, but its okay, there just first graders. This year was the first year i taught a class. Last year was just volunteering. I learned alot this year and i feel myself growing more towards God. I had shared my first devotion this summer too. i had lots of memorable memories lol.

I met a whole bunch of new friends too. Some were friends that i knew before and got close with this summer. Hopefully we wont drift away as sdc ends. More people came to church from sdc. I think i started coming back to church when i became a volunteer last year.

I have never seen so many people cry all at once. Even those who i thought would never cry, cried.

Scared.

Im kinda scared. Why? Because I think that life for me is going waaay too fast. Im kinda scared about senior year, and all of that college stuff. I really wanna get into a good college and like stay with all my friends. But i just have this feeling that none of this is gonna happen. And this scares me. I wanna like be a kid again. Go back to kindergarten, have nap time, snacks and all that fun stuff. Being a first grade teacher reminds me of how life was stress free-ish. Even though you had rules to follow, it isnt as stressful as it is being a 16 year old. I wanna go back to being a kid.


Being a teacher at a church, I think im growing a much stronger relationship with God. I used to just go to church and not understand a word, and probably just went cause my grandma, aunts and cousins went. I felt like i was being dragged to church and didnt know why. Now that im older, I understand more and i feel like my relationship with God is growing. I used to be so different when im with church friends and when im with like regular school friends. I think i know better now. It feels different, but its that good feeling.
Oh man. i have to lead devotions on thurday and i have no idea what im gonna talk about.

Wow. Haven't been on this in a while :x ughhhh, so busy these days, specially with SDC. The first week just passed by. Although it's tiring, I like working there (:
Haha, not alot has happened. I got a puppy on wednesday night! :D Her name is Nono lollll, weird, but thats what the owner before me named it so I'll just stick with that. Shes always so hyper and jumpy and she listens pretty well. My mom on the other hand, hates dogs ]: But shes gonna have to get used to it ;o haha. I'm at my uncles work right now, working. >< I wish i was homeeee sleeping. blahblahblah gonna be outttt now, peace<3

Imy.

I really miss you. Alot. Even though we don't talk as much now, I hope our friendship won't fade away. We barely talk now, it's just hi/bye status. I retain myself from talking to you cause I don't wanna bother you or whatevs. I can't even explain this feeling. You were so much different then the others. I don't even know what happened. :/ Every time we talk, or every time I see you, you somehow just make my day. I don't think I went a day without thinking about you ever since that day. School is almost ending and I don't really want it to end. I hope our freindship stays the way it is or grows stronger. I'm wondering if you feel the same..but I doubt it.

Nostalgic.

I can't wait till summer comes. I just hope when it comes, everything will be stress free.

I miss freshman year. I'm not saying that I don't like my years after, I just miss how everyone was together. Everyone had the same classes and ended the same time. Now, everyone just drifted. We don't talk as much, everyone is in different classes, different schools. Some, we don't even talk to anymore. I hate how people just drifts away. But people come and go in our lives. I hope my closest friends don't drift away from me. Even after high school. Those who were always there for me know who they are. Even though some of my friends arnt as close as we were, I still wish the best for them. I miss my teachers too, the teachers I have now, suck. They can't even friggn teach man -_- I'm not learning shiiiit. Freshman year was waaaay easier, stressfree-er. But I'm still glad that I have met the friends I met.

For the people I have met throughout my years, I'm glad I met all of them.<3

June.

Oh gosh. Let the finals and regents begin. I can't even think right anymore. I should really stop procrastinating and like get my shit together, but i feel like it's too late. It's already June and school is almost ending. It doesn't reallly feel like it, but it is. It's probably 'cause I'm a junior and i know there's one more year left. Idks. I'll miss my old friends through the summer, but i know I'm definitely gonna see MOST of them next school year. I really miss my freshman year. SO much memories >< oh man. UGH i would love to go back to freshman year and restart everything. Sat's are this Saturday D: I studied a bit, but i don't think it's enough. I think I'm gonna go brain dead for the summer, after allll the finals, regents, Sat. D;

Today, I got a call from my church saying I have an interview for Summer Day Camp :D I gotta go to my interview on Thursday. Mad excited/scared. Lolll. I wanna teach the little Kindergartners. Haha, I need moneeeey also (:
I can't wait for summer, Work, and a cruissse :)) I just need to start saving up for that cruise [: I was so broke today >< had only 3$ Rofl. Oh goshhh, i should stop procrastinating, haha. <3

><;

Ughhh. I just feel like shit right now. Idk why but I do. I hate when people get mad at me for no reason or something like that. I just hate it when people hate me for no reason. I always try my best to just be who I am and to not be hated by. Idk if I make sense but yeah. Some people are just mad ignorant. I hate those. Whatever. I just feel like sometimes, I don't even need to be there, so why am I here? Maybe it's just me.

FML.

WOW. Just when i thought the day was going great, it always has its ways to go bad. -___-; So, the day was going great 'till I got home. I had school and blahblahblah, after school, i went to flushing with my lil sissy. Alll that was great. Till I got home. Would you like to get bitched at ONCE you step into your own house? Well, that's what happened. I got home and I got bitched at. I seriously don't know why. Not even a damn hello, and I get bitched at. I was so lost when i got home. Two months ago, my aunt had asked if i wanted to go with them to a cruise, so of course I asked my parents if i can go. I had told them that I would pay for myself and they didn't have to pay a penny. They told me that I can go as long as i pay, so I guess that was a yes, right? So, I asked my mom for alll my passport information and all those things so I can give it to my aunt to reserve the thingy. Today, I got home and my dad just told me to cancel that cruise. I was just like WTF. He didn't even give me a reason. He kept on bitching at me, that i never even asked him about the cruise and whatnot. OMG man, I got so fucking pissed. Why couldn't he tell me no before. If he did, i wouldn't be as pissed. I don't even klnow what the fuck to say to my aunt, cause theres not even a reason. UGHJHHJDHFSdfl he's so frigggin stupid man. Soo pissed. I just had dinner and I didnt even feel like eating. -____-

Oh manns

Wow, i havn't blogged ever since high school started. Thats like..almost 4 years ago. ><
So i just made a new account cause i forgot everything on my old one. Rofl, I'll probably start writing blogs soon. High school is just killing me day by day. Especially junior year- Sat's and all that sh*t. Its a pain, but everyone goes through that same test atleast once if they want to go to college. On top of that, theres also schoolwork and those bitchy ass teacher that you go through everyday -_- AND regents. Why do we have to learn stuff that we don't even use in the future? Makes no sense..just a waste of life. Anyways, I'm gonna go back to studying for sats and whatnots. Taking it in a few weeks. xP
PEACE.